AITA for saying ….We were asked to bring wine to a party by my sister-in-law and her husband. During the conversation I said “speaking of wine will Aunt Genie be there?” who often attends these parties and typically rocks “purple teeth.” After the comment there were crickets. Not sure if this matters, but I’m in long-term recovery for alcoholism and I’m one of two family members not drinking at these family gatherings. Do I need to apologize for something I thought was merely a light hearted comment?
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YTA. You thought you were joking when you were really being cruel. Know better, do better.
I am not following this one. This started by OP being treated like an ass by SIL:
We were asked to bring wine to a party by my sister-in-law
then...
but I’m in long-term recovery for alcoholism and I’m one of two family members not drinking at these family gatherings.
What in the ever loving fuck??! You don't ask the recovering addict to bring the booze. She had every right to push back.
However, she should have picked a better victim. Purple teeth didn't have that coming. SIL did. ESH situation.
Why was no one in the family calling SIL out for this?
I do think you were an AH here, unintentionally. The fact that you're a recovering alcoholic yourself put more weight on that jab than you might have intended. To them, it might have felt like more of an accusation that Genie has alcoholism than a light joke. They might have also felt like it's inappropriate for you to make snide comments about others' alcohol use when you yourself have had problems with it in the past (maybe it felt like hypocrisy to them).
As an aside, it seems like asking a recovering alcoholic to bring alcohol to an event is kinda shitty. Are your in-laws mean or obtuse? Maybe this is more like ESH.
YTA. That was mean, and not funny.
ESH your joke was cruel and unnecessary. Asking a recovering alcoholic to bring liquor to a party is very rude.
Do I need to apologize for something I thought was merely a light hearted comment?
The answer to this question is always yes. The setup doesn't even matter. If you make a joke that fails and offends people, you apologize for the mess-up. You can add something like, "FWIW, I wasn't trying to be mean or offensive, I was just attempting a joke that failed." But you own the failure and apologize for having unintentionally offended people.
Given the minimal context we have here, your joke does indeed seem pretty mild. However, YTA more for contemplating a refusal to apologize than for the actual content of the joke.
The comment was uncalled for....but I am trying to wrap my head around SIL's concern for Aunt Genie and little concern for you by asking a recovering alcoholic TO BRING BOOZE!!! Whiskey Tango Foxtrot!?!?
NTA
A family member who asks a recovering alcoholic to bring wine is the asshole. Let them know you won't be doing that. Offer to bring a veggie tray, charcuterie board, or dessert instead.
Info: would it be offensive to you if you found out someone said the same about you?
If they’re a recovering alcoholic, chances are shit was said behind their back too. The only comment OP seems to make is if aunt that drinks a lot of wine is going to be there since she’s responsible for bringing wine. The purple teeth is just on the post.
NTA they asked a recovering alcoholic to bring alcohol to a party.
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AITA for saying ….We were asked to bring wine to a party by my sister-in-law and her husband. During the conversation I said “speaking of wine will Aunt Genie be there?” who often attends these parties and typically rocks “purple teeth.” After the comment there were crickets. Not sure if this matters, but I’m in long-term recovery for alcoholism and I’m one of two family members not drinking at these family gatherings. Do I need to apologize for something I thought was merely a light hearted comment?
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